The Hardest Thing
by derivereine
Summary: The hardest thing is to leave you. To leave us.


**First of many one shots, none of them related. **

**C x**

_Lyrics "The Hardest Thing" by The Script_

* * *

Nobody had ever thought me to be a particularly romantic man, least of all myself. Don't ask me how she changed that, but she did. Everybody commented on the change in me, since we had met, when we married and when…it happened. There had been a few loves of my life before her, a couple of girls I presumed I'd be content to stay with forever, but I'd left them behind for my dream. I'd never thought that they would forgive me, but there stood their _Congratulations_ cards on the window sill when we announced our engagement, married…and now.

Now when I leave, there's emptiness in the bed that we both feel, but she thinks I ignore. I leave her, therefore I am heartless. She should know above anybody how hard it is to leave; after all, she only left the road a few months ago herself.

She rolls over when the alarm blares, opens her blue eyes, but says nothing. It looks painful for her to be awake, her eyes overcome with redness and fresh tears. She asks me to stay, but she knows I can't.

_I sleep all night,  
Right by your side  
I love to hear you breathing, breathing  
The morning light  
Opens my eyes  
It's nearly time for leaving, leaving  
I know that it seems  
Like it's easy for me  
I wish you could feel  
What's going on inside of me_

It's almost eight by the time I make it to my car, and she insists she's coming with me. Her hair is up in a knot on her head, her bag hastily thrown together. She doesn't have a ticket to where I'm going, a gentle sentence spoken to her that throws her into fresh turmoil. I wouldn't want a ticket to where she is, she screams, tears back inside our house that was so close to being a home.

_It's the hardest thing I ever have to do_  
_To walk away from you_  
_When I wanna hold you_  
_It's the hardest thing in every single day_  
_To have to turn away_  
_I want you to know that_  
_This is the hardest thing_

I make it to the hotel by three, and there are no messages waiting for me on my Blackberry, nothing at reception. The guys drag me to the gym, and the few who don't know what's happened ask me what's wrong, I'm usually the one dragging them. Their laughter echoes and stops when they realise I am not the same. Pulled to one side, they are quietly chastised by one of my oldest friends. Their horrified apologies barely make my ears. I shouldn't have left her. I shouldn't have been able to leave her.

_Another day_  
_Is years away_  
_I close my eyes_  
_To see your face_  
_The more I wait_  
_The longer it takes_  
_It feels like time is standing still_  
_Where ever you go_  
_What ever you do_  
_I want you to know_  
_That you are on my mind_

I feel my phone vibrate before it actually does. Her text simply reads, '…So it goes'.

Her friends ask me how she is feeling, and if there's anything they can do for us. They know they can't.

_It's the hardest thing I ever have to do  
To walk away from you  
When I wanna hold you  
It's the hardest thing in every single day  
To have to turn away  
I want you to know that  
This is the hardest thing_

I go through the motions that night, and ask for time off the second I find Vince. He understands, remarks he's surprised to see me at all. I should take as long, he stresses, as we both need. The stage will be ours once this has passed._  
_

_Just to let go of your hands  
To make you understand that to love you  
Feel you  
Till the time I see you again  
It's the hardest thing_

The office manages to get me on the first flight back to Florida, back to her. Back to us. She needs me now, more than she ever has. She knows that I need her. The flight drags, but the drive home seems to take seconds, trees and buildings flying past me.

_It's the hardest thing I ever have to do  
To walk away from you  
When I wanna hold you  
It's the hardest thing in every single day  
To have to turn away  
I want you to know that  
This is the hardest thing_

The house is far from silent when I arrive. A wailing noise emits from the room that we do not touch, the door that remains closed. My eyes focus once more on the cards from all of our friends, and it is then that they truly see the word written on the front. _Condolences. _I throw it down, and open the door that I haven't touched in weeks. The nursery door.

There she sits, slumped in a corner, baby's blanket around her. The room is destroyed, just like her. Just like me.

We talk like we have never talked before when she slides into my arms and screams, frail hands grasping for anything she can touch. I notice the bandage on her wrist, and peel it back. The newly tattooed words engrain themselves into my brain, **For Sale: baby's shoes, never worn**.

We sleep together on the floor, her head cradled into my shoulder. The sound of her steadily breathing for the first time in weeks consumes me.

_I sleep all night_  
_Right by your side_  
_I love to hear you breathing, breathing_


End file.
